The Countdown Begins

These last days of temporary loneliness now come closer to an end. Yes JN has been away on a world tour for the past three months and they are to return home for the Christmas break before they continue on their second leg of the tour. This has been the first time we have been separated for this long and I am glad to say that we have pulled through stronger and better than we thought. It was difficult to fathom him being away from me that long because we spent so much time together. The thought of him leaving left me asking myself "What am I going to do with all this time?"

I am here to say that God really sorted me out. I have been constructively occupied and that only kept my hands busy but then I thought about him always and that's where the beauty of the internet comes in. I may also add that my work place made it better. I work on a Mac computer (Yay!)so life was made easier. I got to send video messages and photos as i update him on what is happening and also vice versa. I know when we meet up on his return they will be something to laugh at and cherish.

This was also helpful during those times when they were in a location without internet. Always going back to the videos and e-mails was consoling enough to get you moving to get through the day when I had not heard from him that day or sometimes days.

Oh it has not really been a smooth wait. There were those days when JN was the only person you wanted to talk to and be there to listen. Or when there was a new place to go to or something that would be fun to do and he wasn't there.

Recently, they went to Europe and JN got a sim card and we were able to communicate via phone. Oh that was the best thing ever. I would say it kick started the countdown with a fresh fire. Just knowing he is a call or text away, made it feel like he was just another town nearby.

I could not emphasize this more, communication is like a fan to keep the fire burning, without which no real relationship can last for sure. I know this first hand. Communication can turn miles apart into minutes away.

So here goes...10days to GO!

Just Coz I Say So

New Things Happening

First I would like to start with an Old New thing which is the beginning of the Presidential Campaigns. Yeah am a bit late on this but then it hadn't hit home till now. One of the events we had been advertising, was cancelled because the whole area is to be gazzetted for the President incumbent election campaigns. Then at lunch time while at work, tear gas shots start ringing in the air. Now my office is at the top of the building and we have some sort of open space between offices( ok if I try to explain the complexity of the structure I would take forever and you still wouldnt understand) Just know it was made for creatives. The open space is for reflection and inspiration as we view the city. So anyway the shots were so loud I knew they were happening on the street below the rest is history. So yeah it has now sunk in that the election madness is here.

My mom bought a New car. Yes, she finally got her Harrrier she wanted and now we have a car with private number plates to drive. We can be normal and not have people staring at us with the non private cars.

I got a Brilliant New idea today that will send me further than I thought I would go. The road I am taking had hit a roadblock and I was getting strained hitting dead ended routes round the road block. Finally, I decided to go back to the road, face the road block and figure out where there has to be a way through. I just have to figure it out. So I said my Night prayers and went to bed and early morning ...WHAM!!!! the perfect idea just sweetly floated through my brain and I almost missed it coz of my still sleepy state. Once my brain had grasped the idea, it churned and churned and then burned I had to let it out.

The road block melted and I now soldier proudly on. No matter how many road blocks come my way I am sure that there is no detour that will get me there but head on with the Block and smash it i will.

I have found a New passion and I am happy to get the feeling of life starting to flow again. There is that energy burst and life seems brighter when some thing new is in your life. New shoes, house, Guy or Gal and I have a New passion. TO MOVE FORWARD TO A BETTER FUTURE. Yeah am into Big things lately and the ends of the earth is the limit. I also have a Big God I love and worship, who is definately taking me places and providing for me opportunities that I believe are opening up at the right time. Am excited!!

Just Coz I Say So

Painful Sweet Surrender

I am the kind of person who would know what she wants now and how the next five years would be. If plan A didn't work (which happens all the time... ok mostly) i would quickly re-arrange the plan and still walk on... but at the end of the day i would always have a plan.

Right now am at a point in my life where i am not in control. i dont know what my next year is going to be like, i am not sure what my December is going to be like. You know the coolest thing is i am happier than ever!!

Yes! i have embraced this way of life of not knowing what tomorrow holds. its freeing and looking at it from a different angle has never been so painfully liberating.

This has not been easy that's for sure. i was in a state of crisis when the thought of letting my planned way of life Go. i thought " How unserious would i be? living life without purpose of where am going!!" "What will i say when I am asked "what you planning for your life?""

Then the peace i didn't know was there came and i decided "You know what Lord, my life is literally in your hands" And then that's when i did it...

I spread my hands wide, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, broke into a wide smile... and fell back. All cares to the wind. I know who got my back for sure. So here i go as I step into the world of the unknown, am not afraid of the dark and what treasures, mysteries, pleasures and shadows loom.

BRING IT ON YEAH!!!

Just Coz I Say So

Time Spent and Lost

To be honest I had actually forgotten about this blog until anet announced her new blog and then i remembered i had one. I then wondered what had happened to my plan to have a blog?

Cutting the long thought story short i am glad to announce that am back to the blogging family...yes yes thank you... you can stop the applause:)

Its so funny how time this year has been so fast! or may be its me who has been so busy. I recently graduated and looking at all my friends and all the parties we have been having(and still have) made me realize we who were once teens and students have now been baptized into the working class. If I didn't have a job (Volunteer, but still a job in a sense) i would be afraid.

So hear I am with the whole world at my feet. As usual my ideas will not wait to flow with endless answers to just the first question that comes to the tip of my head... "What Next?"

Well, that and more questions will be answered....

WATCH THIS SPACE

Just Coz I Say So

FEAR

Fear has been a big block in my life. it has turned me into a safe and not excting person. i fear looking bad so i rather be quiet and not attract attention coz i fear looking like a fool. i could say something wrong so i should keep quiet. Fear almost cost me my man! yeah it got me that bad. i dont want to fight for some things because i fear it might be a waste cause. she doesnt like me should i force myself to love her i fear wating my time on something that may just make things worse ... or maybe not? i will never know because am too scared to find out. now there is soething i have to work on. TODAY!! i am puttng my foot down... i am who am and you have to love me or love me coz am not a bad person and am so lovable no one can tell me otherwise. God totally approves and with him on my side what have i to fear? they say Perfect love casts out all fear and i have no reason to fear i elieve i can be accepted and i believe with God all things are possible so let us watch this space to see me come out victor...

Jus Coz GOD says so

thoughts pouring out

this whole love thing is a topsy turvy with ups and downs 'yes' and 'no' and worst of all 'i dont know' and 'maybe'. sometimes i feel what kate perry was singing about in hot n cold. i was quick earlier to pop the bottle of joy and relief only to be put back in the dark corner again. we know what we want but people come in throwing ideas that set us back in doubt and yet we still get back so why are we still prone to this gun shot? its killing us ...or maybe is it making us stronger? i hope we do get together and get serious with this relationship. one would ask,
arent you together?
well not really because he is still making up his mind. it is made then changes with the thoughts and i dont know when this is going to end. i cant wait to do the fun things we can get to do as friends or people relating but then there are things still holding us back. family and some friends and worst of all our PAST. i wonder when faith will start kicking in because we can not have the assurance of physical promises to give us something to hold on to. and yet again may be i should not get my self entagled be fore am fuly disentangled from the past...
am clearly getting no where with this it is just opening up more bottomless topics that will go on and on so let me sstop here i guess you would call it thoughts of the moment...

just coz i say so

AM BACK!!!!

i know it has been long and trust me my writting cconcious is almost withered from yelling at me for missing out on hot topics to write about but then now is the time even if you are not prepared. i have had some interesting stories pass by and it is a pity that they did not reach this blog. however there are still some hot topics as well as some luke warm topics that are still ripe to be shared therefore not all hope is lost. am at the point of time in my life where i have finally found time to be me. i was loosing my self esteem, falling in love with someone where both parents on both sides dont really support our getting together and also debating wether make up is essential in today's life on top of the political corruption that i had to face up close and personal in the first hand government experiance i had. all this and more is to be shared in the coming days or hours since i now have a modem which reduces on my excuse bank not to post anything then the photos will also soon flood in. so there is more action and life coming to this blog it is only a matter of time ....
Just coz i say so : )