FEAR

Fear has been a big block in my life. it has turned me into a safe and not excting person. i fear looking bad so i rather be quiet and not attract attention coz i fear looking like a fool. i could say something wrong so i should keep quiet. Fear almost cost me my man! yeah it got me that bad. i dont want to fight for some things because i fear it might be a waste cause. she doesnt like me should i force myself to love her i fear wating my time on something that may just make things worse ... or maybe not? i will never know because am too scared to find out. now there is soething i have to work on. TODAY!! i am puttng my foot down... i am who am and you have to love me or love me coz am not a bad person and am so lovable no one can tell me otherwise. God totally approves and with him on my side what have i to fear? they say Perfect love casts out all fear and i have no reason to fear i elieve i can be accepted and i believe with God all things are possible so let us watch this space to see me come out victor...

Jus Coz GOD says so

thoughts pouring out

this whole love thing is a topsy turvy with ups and downs 'yes' and 'no' and worst of all 'i dont know' and 'maybe'. sometimes i feel what kate perry was singing about in hot n cold. i was quick earlier to pop the bottle of joy and relief only to be put back in the dark corner again. we know what we want but people come in throwing ideas that set us back in doubt and yet we still get back so why are we still prone to this gun shot? its killing us ...or maybe is it making us stronger? i hope we do get together and get serious with this relationship. one would ask,
arent you together?
well not really because he is still making up his mind. it is made then changes with the thoughts and i dont know when this is going to end. i cant wait to do the fun things we can get to do as friends or people relating but then there are things still holding us back. family and some friends and worst of all our PAST. i wonder when faith will start kicking in because we can not have the assurance of physical promises to give us something to hold on to. and yet again may be i should not get my self entagled be fore am fuly disentangled from the past...
am clearly getting no where with this it is just opening up more bottomless topics that will go on and on so let me sstop here i guess you would call it thoughts of the moment...

just coz i say so

AM BACK!!!!

i know it has been long and trust me my writting cconcious is almost withered from yelling at me for missing out on hot topics to write about but then now is the time even if you are not prepared. i have had some interesting stories pass by and it is a pity that they did not reach this blog. however there are still some hot topics as well as some luke warm topics that are still ripe to be shared therefore not all hope is lost. am at the point of time in my life where i have finally found time to be me. i was loosing my self esteem, falling in love with someone where both parents on both sides dont really support our getting together and also debating wether make up is essential in today's life on top of the political corruption that i had to face up close and personal in the first hand government experiance i had. all this and more is to be shared in the coming days or hours since i now have a modem which reduces on my excuse bank not to post anything then the photos will also soon flood in. so there is more action and life coming to this blog it is only a matter of time ....
Just coz i say so : )

New

This idea has been on my mind for quite a while now. I am learning that these days it is now or never so since am done with my working hours and have no where to go what the heck... what excuse do i have now?

I am still trying to wrap my head around this blogger thing and am wondering what exactly i should use it for.... sepaking my mind.... airing out specific views or just being a journal...hmmm well for now let it be all of this.
for whatever fits the mood at the moment. to intoroduce myself and give info on who i am would be selling myself short and closing this whole blog down.

this is an opportunity to discover who i am by making an adventure out of it. I would make this some bounty reward mystery game but am broke right now and the amounts i would tempt you with, (affordable by my pocket) would not make me take a second look at this blog... so that will be postponed for later... just watch this space.

starting soon

just coz i say so